Tuesday, 17 November 2015

#MUMLIFE Tuesday's - We identified a problem in our relationship... [PERSONAL]

Having a newborn child creates many emotions and when I say many I mean at times you can be feeling fine, excited but then at other times you can feel overwhelmed and anxious.
Having those feelings are okay to have and are completely normal. We are all individuals and experience things differently to one another, but in the highest part we are not alone and you need to do what works for you.
Yes you can have many other voices who will tell you that this is the way, this is what you should do, you shouldn't do this or that... but at the end of the day if you find something that works for you then you should be sticking to it.

Whatever gets the job done right, like for example when I do my fortnightly shopping my 2.5 year old daughter Niah will come with me. Now, Niah isn't always happy to go into the trolley seats and without fail I'm the Mum who is juggling the toddler on the hip whilst steering that trolley hard around the corners to not hit anything. In order to do my shop in the minimal time possible and without tantrums I open things in the shop so she can snack on to keep her occupied and still in the trolley seat so out comes the phone as well with videos for Niah to watch.
I read so many articles about is it alright to allow your kids to eat shop items before paying, or should you be allowing your child to use technology at a young age... Well yes you can have your opinions and say all this scientific research jargon to me but I'm going to do WHAT WORKS FOR ME.

I wanted to share my story with you so you can see that each case is different.
I have never been an anxious person, I never felt worried over much but now as a Mother I worry and stress over everything. I take something so small and make it ten times as worse in my head.
Reading more into the symptoms of Perinatal Anxiety and Depression I discovered that what my partner had was this. Diagnosed with depression once before he knew the signs and would tell me he felt like he was getting depressed again.

I can honestly tell you, I wouldn't have been his best support. I didn't understand depression properly and would tell him it's all in his head and that if something was really wrong that he should go see someone then. I wasn't doing this because I didn't care about him, I was doing this because I was preoccupied with having just had a newborn. The moment I had waited for my whole life was now reality and I was abandoning my relationship, neglecting my partner who needed as much equal attention to be with my daughter.

My partner would always tell me that we should have a break and be able to go out together once in a while just the two of us, but I would tell him that I didn't become a parent just to hand off the baby to the grandparents for the night.
Still to this we find it a problem with not spending enough time just with one another, it's a constant work in progress for us as life just has us caught up with other things.

I took little notice to what was going on with my partner and he was luckily a very strong person who was able to seek professional help himself. He saw his local GP who prescribed him medication and referred him onto a psychologist. My partner would attend sessions on a regular basis and was on medication for a few months.
During this time the psychologist was giving him 'homework' to do and ways to help improve our relationship. We went through a real rough patch during this time which I won't go into as I do not wish to share the events that occurred but I can say that things are much, much better now.

In my eyes our relationship had to have all those things occur for myself to be able to see how damaging I was to our relationship. Till this day we are still working on things but we are in a better place with both one another and in our lives.

Whilst in sharing my story with you please don't misunderstand this for that we are not happy with our lives as parents. We both adore our daughter very much and wouldn't want our lives without her.

This week (15th November to 21st November) marks Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) awareness week. This morning I got up super early and traveled into the city where PANDA set up this unique pop up lounge room for us in the middle of Bourke St Mall, Melbourne for us to gather in a close knit group consisting of CEO of PANDA - Terri Smith, Fellow Bloggers Clare from Checks and Spots as well as Renee from About A Bugg and two other inspiring women Kellie from Mindfulness 4 Mothers & Melanie who have experienced life with Perinatal Anxiety and Depression.
Each story was different. Triggers and worries were different and to how they come to find out that they had Perinatal Anxiety and Depression was different.Being able to attend an event with PANDA made me open my eyes to how much support is out there.

PANDA is a support line that offers a voice and ear on the other side of the phone. They will talk to you for as long as you need and provide assistance in many ways that could help in those hard times.

Perinatal Anxiety and Depression is not just a found in women, it can be found in men too and can be just like what happened in our household.

Parenting isn't all black and white. It's not as easy as sometimes it may look or sound.
Wherever you are, Whoever you are and What ever you do just know that you are not alone.


PANDA can be phoned on 1300 726 306 from 10am - 5pm Monday to Friday.

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by PANDA. I was invited along to attend the event in the City to chat with PANDA. I received no payment in exchange for this feature and all opinions expressed in this post are entirely my own.


  1. Great post! This is such a great cause! Dealing with perinatal depression is ridiculously hard and we need all the help we can get! Great post! <3


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